i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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