i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
