there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
