Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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