just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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