The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
