I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
