We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
