I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
