Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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