I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
