I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
