What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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