I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
