Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
