I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
