Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
