God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
