i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
