It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
