it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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