Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
