Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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