I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
