Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize