if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize