I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
