I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
