So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize