Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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