There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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