They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
