i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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