Need sex. Gaining weight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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