i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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