He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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