Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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