i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
