it wasn't lemon gatorade
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.