do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..