So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.