In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.