No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.