The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
