took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
