Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
