Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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