i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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