Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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