I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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