The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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