wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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