Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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