What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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