So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
