sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
