Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
