i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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