Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
