oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
