Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
