good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
