So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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