Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
