im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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