hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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